Hit the road, Jack (and don't come back): a review of "Gulliver's Travels"

My review of the new movie Gulliver’s Travels can easily be summed up in one sentence, which I uttered to my sisters upon leaving the theatre: watching it is akin to experiencing the taste of bile left in one’s mouth after vomiting. However, I refuse to leave it at that.

20^th Century Fox studios has quite literally dropped their pants and urinated on Jonathan Swift’s grave. They took his novel, prized alongside classics like White Fang, The Jungle Book, and Swiss Family Robinson, and destroyed its reputation. Not only did they throw the plot to the dogs – they injected it with mindless stupidity, offensively vulgar passes at humor, and tasteless character “makeovers”. While I do not dislike Jack Black himself (I LOVED his vocal work in Kung Fu Panda), and I am well aware that most of the film was written by someone else and he was just doing his job, but the film was obviously written knowing he would play the main role, and the character they created for him is disgusting (on the subject, he’s also not exactly high on my list of persons whom I’d mind seeing shirtless to begin with, and the cannonball bit literally made me queasy). They have taken the traditional English gentleman character Gulliver was and turned him into a selfish, lying, lazy, crass, brain-dead bum. Yes, he improves as the film goes on, but he never should have been “modernized” into the average-citizen type to begin with. If Disney had bought the film rights, Gulliver would likely have been a prominent professor researching a theory or something along those lines. Think Nicholas Cage in National Treasure or Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes. They would have stuck closer to the book, kept Gulliver’s personality, left out the relationship crap, and made the Lilliputians a lot smarter and more likeable. Keep the modern technology in contrast to the Lilliputians’ style of living, keep the Bermuda Triangle angle, and THAT would have been a film worth watching.

But what’s done is done. It was 20^th Century that made the film, not Disney. And although I didn’t want to and the only reason I did was because my “friend” stood me up, I went and saw it. My only consolation was that the amount of money I paid to see it was only a few cents more than the value of the slushie that was included with the ticket. 

I killed them and ate their livers...

I recently found out that one of the old Sonic game manuals (I don't know which one) supposedly claimed that Fang the Sniper's favorite food is roast beef. But the only animals in Mobius are anthros, right? So does that mean when Fang wants his supper he goes out, murders a cow and cannibalizes it? O_o
In one of the old Knuckles the Echidna comics, it is strongly implied that the "good guy" carnivores (Vector the Crocodile was the example) supplement with tofu. That works for the good guys, but I cannot see a ruthless, child-shooting villain like Fang walking into a health food store and buying tofu...or even holding up a heath food store and stealing tofu. So where do the carnivorous villains get their meat?